8/29/2011 : Follow up

 

So much has happened today and as a result I reached out to a friend and once again I think I am settled down…yeah today some good happened and was accomplished and yet I got things going on that make me question once again why do I try so hard. Well mix it all up and I was on overdrive…Well thanks to my friend Jason and a very useful conversation I am once again in the right head space that I need to be…The love I want so badly will happen when it does and I am need to just let it happen as it will…I cannot rush this one nor do I want to…I am back at a point of a solid head space…I am not going to go into details but know this I can see complete clarity and I am so ok with this. As my friend would say I have the kind of person I so desire will come to me when the time I right and to never rush it…..Yeah I am too human and super impatient but there is no need to as being 40 is not a curse !!!!

Guess today has also provided more material for my book !! So looking forward to a day filled of writing !!!

 

Mega Hugs to all of you

Love in a crazy world...what it all means a perspective

In thinking about life and what I want out of it I have been thinking of what it all means and what I want. For me this is a subject that I have been pondering fro some time and have had my fair share of experiences on the subject. Being the hopeless romantic that I am I watch love stories and as much as I know that they are fiction I still sometimes find myself pondering what the meaning of it all is. I guess in some ways I am still hoping and holding out for the great romance that I see in the stories. I also model my life in many ways from the relationship my late grand parents had. I am very realistic about what I want and despite the pipe dream moments I am very grounded about love and I would like to think that I am not jaded either. Some would say I am trying too hard...that my desire to have this is causing me to over look it...I sometimes ponder this...I also am of the mind set that if I do not try at all then I will never know what could be the one. So in the spirit of that I posted the question on a discussion board about this very thing. See for me I have been in love in my life more than once and have been blessed to have had more than 1 long term relationship. The last one was a great 6 years of my life and he is still my best friend. Where I sometimes get cause for concern is that he was the last relationship I had that was everything I could want. For those who do not know I spent several years post Jack dating all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons...I will gladly take the blame for mistakes made and I know where I am too easy to rush things. That is why for the last 27 months I have been celibate. I found that I was rushing and that if maybe I for once did things the old fashioned way I might just find better luck. So any ways I posted the question and as a result I got some very encouraging feedback and I really think that more than anything I guess I needed a confirmation of what I already know. This past weekend I was chatting with the one I am currently seeing and he commented on how great it was to have had a dear friend from another city come for the weekend. The more we talked I found out how he was feeling isolated and that got me thinking about this subject. I also came to the conclusion that once again my own fast track thinking was coming into play.  I have been pondering things and I think I have been in my own mind over thinking things again. Its odd how it sometimes takes a self clarity moment to see what is in front of me and to tell myself stop and smell the roses. I am a firm believer that we are all designed to be partnered up and yes there is such a thing as love at first sight and that there is also the kind of love that comes in time and grows from there. So what to do is balance it all. Easier said than done. What  I found very comforting is that there are many good people out there and my thoughts are not just mine. I sometimes wonder if we are molded and shaped to believe or conditioned to seek out the ideal type and I wonder how much we over look the perfect person in out search  of the ideal looks wise ???  For me I am all about the personality 1st. I admit there has to be be some physical attraction but there has to be a dynamic personality there to get my attention. The best advise I have gotten on this subject is that  I need to let life happen and along the way I will find just what is that will be in my life. I shall continue to watch romantic movies and yet I shall be realistic that the little things the count and I may never have the Hollywood moment I still will find some one special and when the time is right it shall be !!! Just having faith that somewhere someday I shall have the happiness and who knows I may have found that and just is too soon to tell...either way it shall be great and I am going to enjoy the journey along the way !!!