What Do You Want For Life ?

The last few weeks I have found myself in the place to ask myself Just what it is I want out of life....I know the eternal question and also the title of a great song from the seventy's at the same time its so true. I guess it does not help that for the last couple of weeks I am finding my energy level down and as a result of this I am finding the littlest of things that are getting under my skin more than they should or for that matter annoying me at all. Not a good head space to be in for anyone and even more frustrating for me. I will start with the fact that since my diagnosis of Cancer I have not had the energy that I once had and for me that is an adjustment all on its own. I was always the one who was able to be in many directions all the time. Since my 1st treatment I have had to adjust to having a brain that still goes in so many directions and a body that does not keep up. No complaints mind you, just an adjustment. If that was not enough I am finding that as much as there is so much to be done and as the ever ready ( OK so I like to think I am ever Ready ) advocate I see all of the things that need to be done....and here is where this gets to be fun or something....I am proud of all my efforts to help shape a better world and I am proud of all the wonderful people that are in the trenches with me, but what really bothers me is the lack of buy in or commitment. I am feeling more and more " Some one is taking care of it so I do not have to " and or " I really want to have all of this, but I am not going to support it " Mind you this is not me feeling this way...its that I am finding this to be the attitudes of the very segment of society I am advocating for. Oh yes there are exceptions to this and there are some wonderful people who are very appreciative of the work all of us advocates are doing, but honestly more and more I personally am questioning my efforts from the perspective of is this really worth my time ??? I hate to feel this way and I really like to think that its just fatigue setting in, but my hunch is that is not simply the answer. I guess what I need to do is learn not to care so much or be less passionate about it all. I feel like I am letting myself down when the support is just not there.

I speak of Equality and I often say " One Race, The Human Race" and yes I would love to see a world that is that way and yes I would like to see that in my life time....however here is the reality....We are not there yet. Can we continue to make strides to get there ?? Yes we can !!! Are we making progress ??? YES !!! Now why is it that its almost tooth and nail to get people engaged ??? Not all can or want to step up to the soap box like myself and others do and I am good with that...but when is attending an event and thus supporting a cause in the process a bad thing ?? Why is it that it seems to be the same wonderful folks at every event. Why is it that when asked to help with a community publication ( one which is free to get ) there is no support ??? Recently the center has come to see some rather large expenses come to need paid and the scramble to find ways to pay them. Oh we need a center is heard...oh yeah great job....the list goes on and yet attendance is not there. We throw events and only a handful come out for them. I guess for me its more frustrating because my heart is into all of this and not because I am seeking fame or glory...its because I know how important this work is and it impacts my life...as well as others....like hello ??? 

Now I know that some folks are busy and yes sometimes events are happening at times when you are at work, sleeping or otherwise bad times for you....but everything every time ??? I find that hard to imagine. I guess its easier to let others do all the effort and then complain there is nothing going on or that things are not happening the way you want them to. Well I challenge everyone who finds a passion in life....do your part !! Stand up be counted, get involved, contribute money , something. I will not let my discouragement stop me but this tireless advocate is tired and I speak for many others when I say this....We cannot do it all on our own and some day we are going to stop and what then ??? Change happens when many get on board and when many fight the battle. I am so frustrated that society has become the way it has....we want it faster, cheaper, better, etc....no regard of how that will happen. From the other side I can tell you its not going to happen all on its own !!! 

Guess I have made my rant and my case for this and I will end my blog here. If you are someone that gets involved in what ever the cause then I applaud you !!! Keep doing it and know as one who is doing the same I appreciate it !!! We are the future and we can shape it the way we want thru hard work and effort...from small ways to large it all adds to a better world !!!

Spring Is Here…Updates and Thoughts

 

 

Having said to myself many times that I really should update and not doing so…today seems to be a good day to do so !!!

Winter was a busy time for me and although I am not complaining at all I must admit that it was really only the start of what looks like it will be a busy year. More and more I am finding more areas of need at the center and I am proud of all the work being done and to be able to be a part of it and making history in the process. Marriage equality was voted into law here in Washington state earlier this year. This was met with a challenge and thus an area that needed my attention. As of this post it is unclear if there will be enough votes ( validated signatures ) to make the challenge to the ballot or not. Efforts are well under way to educate and I am proud to be a part of that. I am both excited and yet at the same time would like to see that enough will not be collected. If there are not enough then the law becomes active. At the same time I am very realistic about the need to continue efforts and educate why the need to vote and vote yes on Ref 74 in November. I guess time will tell on this one. We have been very active in our efforts and I must say I am proud that our local city took on a non binding resolution on marriage equality. I am proud to have worked with the core group to get this to consideration. It was amazing the day of the vote when I joined over 50 people who marched to city hall…then joined by as many more, then to over fill the chambers and to be a part of the testimony. It was tabled and although it was not voted in, I am proud that we were able to show this is important to our citizens. The people who were there for other items but then felt compelled to testify. The fact we were able to get some very high profile people to stand up and testify and that because of the whole process it has brought allies to the table and are helping to educate. Community is showing and again I am proud to be a part of history in the making.

This spring has also been busy with Cinco DeMayo celebration with Destinations which was a blast and the GSA forum. I am proud that we have so many wonderful people who are fighting for such important causes  and to be a part of it all and help where I can is such a powerful thing. Lots to be done but we are slowing making progress and that is a very exciting thing. Lots of time with friends and family have rounded out the time and I find I am living life to the fullest and am excited to see where the future takes me. Never a dull moment and that is exciting all on its own.

Health wise It has been all over the place. Having had a scan in the start of the year showing growth and the follow up showing this to be true makes me fully aware that I will be in treatment sometime this year. I will be scanned again end of the month and although I have no way to fully know what it will show I am finding that my energy level down and makes me feel like it will be sooner than later and I am ready for that. Having had a good run with decent stamina in the last few weeks I fond my energy is down again and that I feel tired more and more despite the extra sleep and rest I have been getting. I adopted the thought early on that I will have a journey filled with many twists and turns and end of the day I am getting to live and I will take on anything that comes along so that I can have many more years to come.

One thing I have learned along the way with this journey is the value of what is most important in life and just what is not so important. Its been an eye opening experience and I am glad that I have been chosen to see this experience. Never would have dreamed I would end up where I have but none the less its another chapter in the great book of life. I tell people all the time that we need to appreciate the little things every day and to live life to the fullest and its so true. When we can appreciate what matters most it takes on a whole new perspective.

In the months ahead I look forward to many events and experiences and the chance to continue to smile often and live this life to the fullest !!!

Here is the link to my testimony if you have not already seen this:

Marriage Equality Testimony

The Journey Of Life….Never a dull moment !!!!

To say 2012 has been a busy one would be an understatement and once again I am finding that life is presenting me with many learning opportunities…The holidays were great as they tend to be and it was great to spend time with my loved ones. I am reminded that they are awesome and that the support I get beyond words !!!

I also had a scan in December that showed something of concern so another was ordered for January. Although the new growth started about the size of a pinky nail and was at first thought to be nothing more than possible scar tissue but the scan in January shows it has grown by 50%. For now we are just watching it and give my body a rest from treatments. I am have resolved that no matter what I am going to live life to the fullest and that every day is a blessing !!! Not really worried but for now re-thinking future plans and going to focus on all the other great things I have going on!!!

I am blessed to have all the opportunities that I have with my work at the center. Truly feels like I am doing what I love doing and the impact I can share is well EPIC…as of late I have started taking on more of a leadership role and love it. The board is composed of such wonderful people and they make my life wonderful. The people I meet along the way inspire me and all I can do is look back at my life 2 years ago and ponder how come I did not do what I am doing now sooner.

I have had the opportunity to attend The Peace and Economic Justice Conference this month and it was great to meet so many great people and learn so much. I have also been attending the INBA lunches and those are great networking times. Another project of mine has been working on a resolution in the city for marriage equality along with the work I have done for marriage equality state wide. I have found my calling and it feels great !!!

I was blessed this week to get to spend time with my best friend who came down from Canada and it was good to see him finding his own happiness.  Lots of smiles and good times were had and another reminder of the awesome people that are part of my life.

Over all I am a happy camper and other than balancing rest with all this wonderful stuff I do I must say I am loving life to the fullest !!!!

 

Cheers !!!