Sunday 3/6/2011 A Day Of Positive Reflection :-)

 

Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson.It is also the inspiration for a multi part series I am composing for INs&Outs. Yesterday Aaron expressed to me his feelings and that things were going too fast for him and his fear of being hurt again. I had a near stroke ( ok in a manor of speaking ). I was very upset because he is such a special person and honestly all the things that I am looking for in a partner. With in 1 hour I was on the phone to mom for some great motherly advise and I love her dearly however some of her advise is outdated at best. I know that things happen for a reason and over time but being me I am not going to wait the rest of my life for the partner that I am seeking. Well After talking to mom Aaron calls and sent another e-mail. We had a good talk and have gotten past this little bump in the road. I guess the lesson learned is that going slow is a good thing and lots of communication is the key. His concerns were valid. I look around for roll models and there are none. I look at heterosexual people and their relationships…that is of some help but honestly its not always applicable. So often in my life the relationships I have had have been accelerated. We meet and right off the bat there is sexual relations. This one is different. This one is teaching me patience and I am growing as a person in the process. I am learning how to be re-assuring and learning not to joke about marriage. I am so wrapped up in the whole marriage equality and I made a joke about it…I even told him I was joking but he took it seriously. So I am no longer going to mention the subject for now, not even as a joke. I also reassured him that my cancer is being monitored like a hawk so if it returns it will be caught right away and I explained what they would do to get rid of it. Aaron is truly a special one in a million…he was scared of loosing me to the cancer. So in this journey I am going to be the most re-assuring and patient person….I also am letting him call the shots…I am moving at his pace, his direction. This has been a learning process for me as I am very strong willed and not one to sit back and let things happen..I make them happen…well for now I am going to sit back…he knows not for ever but for now. I will give him time and in the process I see a wonderful thing happening. It really inspires me and shows me that quite possibly the dream I have always had may come true….Every relationship is different and I am looking forward to this one. Not only do I have a chance to find someone that is looking for all that I am, A life partner, commitment, family but some one who is so caring and loving. Aaron has a side I have not yet seen…he is guarded  and I am looking forward to the day I can see that other side as the side I see is wonderful so I can only imagine what else there is. The biggest obstacle is the lack of role models and guidance. I am winging this one. What I find very interesting is that I know many people who are looking for that special someone. I feel like those that are of depth are out there and how to get them connected. Its an area that needs addressing for sure, thus I think I have taken on a new project.

Bottom line in life is happiness…Yes one has to be happy with themselves and then they can be happy and bring happiness to a relationship. We also have to look hard and deep inside ourselves and ask ourselves what it is we want in a partner. We have to be open and honest about that…we also have to communicate that. I feel like so many relationships fail due to the lack of communication and sometimes because we have gone for someone that is great but not all of those things we are looking for. For me I look for the inner beauty first. Yes good looks are important but if that is all you have then what do you have really ?? Finding the complete package is not always easy but not impossible either.

Have a Great Sunday Everyone