Another day in my life....

So much has happened since my last posting and by sharing some of my thoughts maybe I will gain the perspective I am looking for. Who knows.

January brought another CT Scan and the results are all good. The scarring around my liver due to radiation has cleared and my next scan will not be for 4 months. Both my main oncologist and my radiation oncologist are very pleased at the progress. I have gained even more weight and now am 146-148 depending on the day. This is good because for my build I should be about 160. I still struggle with fatigue and ringing in my ears and the sleeping pattern is less than ideal but slowly I am making progress and that is a good thing !!!!

Last week I was thinking about all I went through in 2010 as the 1 year mark of my diagnosis is coming up 02/17. I think it sunk in just how serious it was and what all I went through. I tended to look at it as OK what do we do to resolve this and never thought about how severe it was. I am grateful to all of my family, friends and the medical team that has been able to get me to this point. They really have been awesome and the support has been so appreciated !

Sunday things took a turn in the dating part of my life. I have been all over the place with my feelings and emotions and even now having internalized what is going on I am still not sure. I guess its still very emotionally raw for me and that will take some time. At this point the one I speak so highly of has chosen to focus all of his energies on getting established in career and life too I suppose. I will say that his reasons are very valid and I cannot argue with them, even though that is not what I wanted to hear. We remain friends and I am holding on the hope that given time he and I will be able to resume what we started and yes that will mean some radical changes, mainly I would have to relocate, but I am willing to do that, to have the opportunity to date and get to know him. How long will that be ? who knows....he knows how I feel and what I am willing to do and I guess time will tell. I will take the time and direct my energies in to getting ready for my return to school. I am of the belief that if you love someone, set them free...if they come back it was meant to be. He and I will both grow and become better people in our own ways and some day the friendship will mature into the relationship we started. Yes I know that sounds some what crazy, but in my heart I know there is something there and deep down I know he feels the same, just needs to get settled in other ways of life. Any good relationship has to have a foundation in friendship and that is what I am going to do...

I am at a crossroads in my life with making the transition from treatments and recovery to remission and moving forward. The stamina is not where it should be yet and I tire easily. Mentally I am ready, more than ready...just cannot get the body to run in the same direction !!! I am thinking of getting out and volunteering some of my time as a way to build stamina, get out of the house, and start re-joining world. I think it will also be good to make some new friends and enjoy something of a social life again. Yes I am also going to do more with the friends I already have, but am also looking forward to meeting some new people as well.

For now I think that brings my life up to date. I have resolved to be better at keeping this up to date and posting more...I enjoy it, just forget to sit and write....so we shall see