Today is a very busy day for me as I have many things to get done to enable my return to college in the fall. I do not mind such a busy day as it allows me to be productive as well as keeps my mind from wandering and that as of late is a good thing.
Last night I went to bed around 10:30 after catching up with a few friends that I had not spoken with in a while. I was tired and thought that sleep would come easy. Well I would start to get to sleep and then I was awake..last time I checked the clock it was 2:30. I could not get my brain to stop running at a million miles an hour. I would say that most of my thoughts were on the special one in my life ( who currently is a friend ). I was thinking back on all the many conversations we had and had earlier re-read some of the e-mail and chats we had. I guess that did not help. I had sent a select group of friends and family a very lengthy e-mail yesterday about what is going on and I got 2 responses back. Both shared experiences not Un-like what I am going through and it was good advise as well as the heads up I need. Un-like my best friend who says I should move on and never look back ( and many other things ) the 2 respondents were more supportive of my wanting to wait and see. It was also nice that I got to chat with him a bit yesterday. He initiated the chat and was working on a reply to my e-mail from Sunday. He said that he agreed with allot of the points I made. I have not yet gotten that e-mail from him but look forward to seeing what he has to say. I guess for me it is going to take some time to adjust to this new mode of waiting for him. I am sure the fact his pictures remain up and on the computer do not help but by the same token I cannot bear the thought of putting them away. In some way I think it will help me be able to look at them and not get emotional which is getting a bit easier as the days go on. I think I will plan a visit to see him late summer or early fall and show him that I can be a friend.
One interesting note about my crazy sleep last night was that I had a dream with my late grandparents and him and I really think I was channeling them. I really think there is some sort of sign in that dream. I miss them dearly and its been a while since I have had a dream about them that I can remember. I think I am going to take this experience and really grow from it all. I am even contemplating a journal about it all. Who knows could become a good book some day depending on the out come. At very least it will help me put perspective on this as I am still struggling with that.
I am grateful for the sun shine today and may get out to do some food shopping. The walk to the store will do me good and help to build the stamina. All and all I think today will be a good day despite being tired. I will try to make it that way as I try to every day !!!!
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